All But One

You’re only as good as your last.
That means
Every promise, broken.
Every lie, hidden
Every moment, lost
Every memory, once ripe,
Now rotten.
Every step forward
Is a glance at history
Every lesson, never learnt
Every mistake
Every addiction
Revisited 
Every girl
Every friend
Every girlfriend
All lost to the fog that blinds
The path.
Direction. Lovers.
Gone. All.
but one.
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She Didn’t Know

When I referred to her as the love of my life
I genuinely believe it was not another lie
Confessions but so far from cleansing a soul
Revelations, in hindsight I bet she wished and hoped
She didn’t know

She thought she knew me completely
What turned me on but the truth is uneasy
That unopened closet must be so hard to stomach
Now I’m trying to find a way to bring her comfort
Because, she didn’t know

A little too late, but I promised my honesty
Ask me anything, I’ll answer you properly
It was never my intention to bare facedly deceive
If you doubt anything I hope that’s the part you believe
I’m sorry, you didn’t know

I never should have lied to you at all
I know it was never right to let you fal
I hid my skeletons and abused your trust 
Trying to barricade that closet door shut
So, you wouldn’t know

I came clean and revealed a part of me
Thinking honesty would kick start our heart beat
I thought we could start fresh with the truth
How was I to know you’d never accept what you knew?
I didn’t know

 

If I Say So Myself

Today I realised, I’m not good enough
At a time when things were looking up
But this is not just doubt resurfacing
It’s the nature of the business we’re serving in

I’m torn and I’m angry
Directed towards those standing with me 
Why did you build me up to greatness?
Why did you not show me what a fall from grace is?

If I was as great as we both say
Then how comes I fail to grace these pages
Fail to win these competitions I’m entering
I built my ego from amateurs liking and commenting

Stoked the flames but I haven’t set the world alight
If I can’t ignite these lines, then I seldom might
I’m a writer, who built his name
But the fan base that remains, is still the same

You read these words I craft with ink
Intricate weaving in and out of rhyme schemes
Techniques that you can’t overtly see
Real poetry that I wrote with speed

And that’s only if I say so myself
Overestimate my impact on the world
Because today I realised I’m not good enough
If I was, many more would be looking me up

 

Lessons

I’ve learned, liars rarely tell the truth
The only truth, is the truth is usually loose
Cheaters, never play fair and break rules
Heartbreakers, break hearts and make us fools

I’ve learned love is a beautiful concept
A hateful reality and a vengeful consequence
Infidelity is a state of a lover’s discontent
And love is rape with consent

I’ve learned, the first leads to second chances
We never grow, we just attend better parties
All my best friends for life, soon departed
And there isn’t much between fortune and hardship

I’ve learned, second place is never the best
But setting the standard to high, alienates the rest
Intelligence can’t be defined by a test
Despite what it says, religion is not your friend

I’ve learned, loyalty is never returned
Treat her like royalty, watch your empire burn
Money talks, sex sells, the language of earth
Now my ex is selling talking money, just to be heard

Painted Smile

I don’t paint a smile for all to see
I don’t need company for my misery
Sometimes, I want to be left alone
And travel the world within headphones

I tried to break through these four walls
As echoes vibrate the floor boards
As I taste the sweetness of freedom
As words form on the page you read from

I don’t paint pictures for all to see
Instead, I hang drawings on the wall for me
Manic ramblings of a sane lunatic
As confusion reigns over a playlist

The peace breaks my silence
As the air, around me fills with sirens
Drunk of a cocktail of sex and violence
As we slave under a threat from tyrants

I don’t paint a smile for all to see
I paint pictures of a wretched reality
As I laugh along with the humourless
And wrestle with the morals of fugitives

 

I’m The Man

It’s hard to admit, I lost the fight
Tried to knock out the dints in my dented pride
Chasing women, misbehaving and sinning
Nobody taught me how to discuss my feelings
So, I grunt out loud, expect you to understand
And bow at the feet of what you call a man
Whilst I sip beer and never shed a tear
Not being the man, is the only thing I fear
Grown men don’t cry, hold shoulders high
You can’t be a gentle man and the tough guy
So, I push out my chest, overdo the reps
Hang a few too many weights on the bar I press
Ignore my legs, all I need is upper body strength
Perform eight more reps then grunt out loud again
Then hit the bar, until I fall and hit the bar
And aim my aggression at all those that laugh
Then grab her arse, who said I needed to ask?
I’m the man, she should be grateful she got the chance
Because I’m the man, right?

 

Fly

(They Said)

Look at you, single still
Go out, mingle, if you will
Find a wife, it’s about time
Settle down, raise a child
Move out, get a mortgage
Move on, it’s not important
What do you want then?
Chase dreams? dreams end
This here, is the real world
Live here, we’ve all excelled

(I snapped)

This is hell, we should be expelled
Live here, you were born to fail
Wake up, is this your world?
Stalking shadows never ended well
So, let the pied piper play
We don’t care for what you’ll say
We lead our way, we are today
We don’t want to go outside, tonight
We want to stay right here, and fly.